Thursday, April 19, 2012

If at first your missile fails...

Peasants and wowshipews of my gweatness,

Twembwe! I, youw new gweat leadew and teachew, am vewy angwy. My wocket no fwy! It go boom and faw apawt. Tis makes my cheeks vewy puffy! I want my wocket to fwy faw faw and go kablooey on Obama. But I’m suwwounded by mowons! No one do anyting wight.

Wast night I owdewed a human pywamid to be buiwt fwom fifty schoow chiwdwen, but it kept fawing down. The chiwdwen wew wimps and cwied and cwied when they bwoke theiw siwwy bones. I towd tem, stop youw snivewing you wittw cowads, and be wike youw weadew. Feawess and aw powewfuw. And stop being so skinny, it make me sick.

Ten today my wocket bwoke. I had aw the people who buiwt it shot. It make me feew a wittw bettew. But now I want anothew wocket. So I owdewed fifty peasants to become wocket scientists by tomowwow.

Now I must go have new unifowm made. Today I make mysewf twewve sta genewaw! I wiw need new unifowm fow tomowwow when the peasants make my wocket. If tey faiw I wiw have tem shot too. Tat wiw be fun.

And if I don’t wike my unifowm, I have guy who make it have sex wit monkey and eat pound of uwanium. Ten I send him to sou kowea and tew him to bwow himsewf up. Ooh, tewe is so much to wook fowad to!

may youw man sticks aways wise,

Kimmy Jr.

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